Turmoil

grey black grey and cat fights.........How serious of a sadist are you? Is it really that you are forcing me into the Frieda corner to demand your loyalty and live through the rest of that story? You're so terrible. I guess I would have to say that I demand your loyalty, but it was never that I would ever see myself so extreme like that. When an enemy becomes and enemy, it is the enemy that he or she is. What I wanted to hear: "It was dumb for some people to have kept testing, stalking, and judging you the way they were. It was dumb for people to have put their lies and agenda tribulations on your tab. It was dumb of me to threaten you with my own nigger games, foolishness, and lies where I wanted to put my joke on you and make my lies your problem. I should have never tested or questioned you with some of the same women, or repeated some of the same tests on other whatever women. I should have taken you more seriously and how you see and feel against certain people. Instead of forcing you into the Frieda corner, I should have understood the disturbed and fragile woman you are and how much of a terrible strategy that was. It was dumb to retaliate with your same cheating game and that you had every reason to run being the disturbed, and distraught victim in too much turmoil already." Don't I wish for my own perfect man. I'm still very restless and have felt very restless during most of the time in being with you. I think I see a different sign with you and I really do not want to go there with you. I seriously hate Stacy and Jim and do not want to have any involvement or include or even compare myself with them or their relationship. This is another reason why I am highly suspicious and threatened of you being a seriously severe enemy whose agenda I can't recognize or understand. ..... Just for my own record: actions are everything. I know I get emotional but there is a difference in being emotional and acting on my emotions. I feel too trapped by you right now to not talk to you and try to make you get me. Maybe you do have your own socialist cancer and it is the reason that I just can't get you. Maybe you're mad at the things I could believe or not know whether or not to believe. I feel too restless and in too much turmoil.