Trying to wait for you to make the next move

David, Right now, I feel like I'm on the more aggressive end and feel uncomfortable with how much more I keep throwing myself on you and keep more of a conversation going. I sometimes have an unpredictable way to roll with things, and this is just how I choose to roll right now. .... I'm pretty mad. It is like I've always been my own celebrity that never was and have to deal with the worst of the celebrity treatment: Too many people fighting to control me, express dominance, or want to express a further dominance over my life. I feel obsessed over and like a "Mecca" sometimes. I hate the times when I feel dominantly or grossly groped by things I know I can't see. I hate the way some people seem to be so desperate in wanting to get me killed or constantly at the butt end of things. My self worth will always be the most violently hated because of the ways I won't be easy "give it up" or "put out". I hate the mean control some people want to have over me and never seem to give up on wanting the worst control. Whether or not I am your victim; I hate the way I would be forced to be that much more vulnerable and violently manipulated to control. Mecca Mecca Mecca "This is the thanks other people get for wanting to 'protect,' me." Too many people wouldn't know how to protect me if they tried. In my book of rules, WHEN PEOPLE LIE, THE LIE IS ON THEM. There are too many things that too many people want to make me the victim of................ I know I don't want to stop swimming in the deep end with you. Some men probably are jealous because some are at least smart enough to know just how over protective of myself I am when swimming in the deep end and that there are very few who I would willingly let swim in the deep end with me. It is like I have fought against being a virgin sex object and when I run into some of my ends I can't beat a fascist virgin win out of me, (if I can word that the right way). I'm not necessarily accusing you of being that much of an intentional predator and know how normal it is for most men. In another light, it isn't that I'm a virgin to you at all. I think it is a little funny that I'm being picked on with "Daisy." (Star Wars/ Californication) I know it isn't my truth. Too many people had too many different things on my name. Cancer. I know I haven't completely discovered you yet or how much of a history you could have with me. I know I'm afraid to know some things about you. Are you out to have some argumentative dispute over how sexual you think I am? Are you the self righteous type who has your own judgmental agenda? You really don't seem to mind getting dirty with me. Are you fighting off your sex addiction where I'm really nothing special to you? I know I don't want to JUST BE treated like a piece of meat, but I don't understand why being held back should be something to obsess over? ...... I really don't know what to say or where to go from here, but I am waiting for you to be the one who makes the next move.