I have yet to catch up with Desperate housewives and the first hours of this weeks and last week's dancing with the stars. It was ok, but I'm not sure I'm catching on to everything with dancing. Things are obvious enough in some instances, but my life feels like it is still at a standstill, although I enjoyed entertainment and an artful yet vague company. Uncertain with specific people and specifics in general.
Structure can be thought of in different ways: a literal building, an organized routined pattern of abuse. There are different kinds of abuse. Even though I do not consider to be dating anyone, I would consider my experienced abuse to be fashioned around Vince Vaughn in "The Breakup."
There does not seem to be any person in my life right now that is helping me in anyway. If anything, I feel people are desperately wanting to pull me down. I feel used and that my life is continously and non-stop getting sucked dryer and dryer.
It is all about everyone else.
I do get some forms of sympathy sometimes. But, I notice moreso, that people are not accepting me or anything I say. Instead, people are still pulling me into their agenda. They still have the egocentric mindset that they think I revolve around them and actually worry or care for them.
Some people I do care about. But, I crave to be around a more mature crowd. I want people and/or a crowd that realizes we are mutually independent from each other. I want people that want to have a regular conversation about anything and everything and that has no dependency relation whatsoever.
I don't need advice.
I do not need to be taught how to live.
I do not need to be told how to feel.
I do not need to be told who I should like.
If I need anything, it is money and financial assistance.
I know, I sound like a cheesy Taylor Swift. People seem to be pretty darn deaf.
Chaos and clouds and my world.
That is it.
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