James Bond of Casino Royale: I write to you because...

James Bond of Casino Royale, Of many of the fantasies of seen, that love fantasy has really stuck with me. One seen I remember the most was when you and my Bollywood of Vesper first met. You both had your profile of each other and you mentioned she had a chip on her shoulder. You knew what you were mad for and something that was preventing your hookup, but in every day life I hear something else and just how much the chip on my shoulder is used against me. Like an abnormal orange sized tumor growing off my shoulder where I'm the butt end. You really know how to overlook it, keep my confidence, and keep yours James Bond. I need to feel normal, but some guys won't stop having their worst fit against my anger. WHY WILL I ALWAYS BE THE LAST PERSON THEY WOULD EVER SHOW ANY LOYALTY FOR?! How could they be so cold blooded and not realize how betrayed, heart-broken, and cheated I feel? They won't stop wanting to have me beneath something or someone I can or can't see. Beneath lies. Beneath gossip. Beneath Betrayal. Beneath another woman's ovaries. Like crossbreeding exactly. My ovaries feel battered.... In other thoughts I'd ask you to escort me right now and this weekend if I could. I have a couple of things planned, and love the band I'm going to see, and I mean it to be just a peaceful escort.... My heart has recently sunk over something else. I'll be ok. It just gets me to thinking about life more though. I'm soon to be expectant. I was wanting to try a few more attempts of another route but I just can't wait anymore. I think if there was something urgent I want to say, what I want to say more than anything is: how much I want and need a man and a father for my kids. I know what I've lived through and how impossible looking it is for me to want a man. Although I get battered by men who want to have me or take me as too easy and open to anyone who wants to walk my way, a man who isn't as cold blooded and jealous would take a look at my life and story and see me as impossible too. Conception is such a serious challenge. I feel the effects on me would be pushed more into the stereotype of a lesbian if I conceive on my own. I'd be too happy to have another baby than to worry about lesbians, but I feel like I would be more vulnerable to be seen with that stereotype. 2 and 2 together does not equal lesbian. 2 and 2 together equals me wanting to have another baby. I feel so hated by some men James Bond. I feel so hated. I wish I had your shoulder to cry on and I wish you were here to hold me. They always want to blame me over the way it won't work. I hate feeling like I'm forcing myself too much on a man. It ruins my emotions when I feel I am trying beyond my normal limits and like I have to do all the work to make it work. It ruins me. All I hear is either try harder, try harder with degradation, or just plain degradation. I hate how cut and underestimated my will to try or be my own can be sometimes. It takes two and I believe in a give and take and that gets underestimated too. I think there are some jerk offs out there who are out to have a suck it war game with me and I will always be the one they target with that the most. I never get a break from it. Where is the loyalty, where is the love? I find it nowhere. Not all men come off as monsters or die hard suck-it war men. I just feel like I can't break the communication barriers and the way they won't work for me or work to find me. I could elaborate on the negative more. I need a man. I get sick over their "try harder and suck its" but I sincerely say I get can get just as sick without a man. Not that I had a man when he had such a bad attitude. They don't seem to understand how I could still want them sometimes. I can't break my sufferage pattern. As much as I hate using a man to make another man jealous, I especially shouldn't have to be a lesbian to prove anything. I say that with murder. What won't they get about that cross breeding? I remember you James Bond, and I remember the better days of a movie Casino Royale was. Minus the ending. I am definitely expecting something much else.