Drowning... man vs. nature/and something else

A person makes their self fight sometimes when they find it necessary and then they get tired of fighting. It might not always be about drama or particular people, even though it is the case sometimes. I can't quite say I am fighting entirely nature alone with there being a second instance of robbery here in Pittsburgh. I hate being battered with being at fault or the one to blame. I haven't been able to get out of my financial situation in the past couple of years. It's bad enough with some seen and a lot of unseen wanting to stalk and stay on top of me to my face. ...Life is just beyond awful. I hardly ever talk about my finances besides knowing it is a personal and sensitive issue of my own or anyone's. I have a few bossy Calvins in this area of subject too. While Calvins are usually egocentric in thinking anything I talk about is parentally up for debate or I'm just being taken down without a fight with no voice and deserving of a mute like there is nothing wrong with it, I expressively talk about my stresses despite the sadism and ignorance that exists. … While I work with the job I prefer the most, the car troubles and expenses are really getting the better of me. I've had times where I've envisioned my financial smooth sailing and then another financial circumstance trip up happens. The hope and relief I thought I would have gets shot down. It is weighing down on me too heavily. It's not my fault that my car was stolen a few months ago but I just can no longer take the endless expenses and trip ups and picking myself up financially again. The literal hours that I work do not add up at all and I'm screaming in my mind with the amount of time I put in working, how much time in life I miss out on, and how long it has been since I have had some time off. It seems Christmas has been the only day I've had off. Work is killing me and I have to troop on and keep going. I thought there would be some kind of change through these 2 years in my finances but I have not gotten anywhere. I am putting myself out of my misery and have already been seeking other employment and may have to give myself a break from one misery while knowing that there is a another kind of potential misery waiting at the regular W-9 employed type of job wherever it may be and however long it may last. …..The holidays weren't the greatest this year but I made it doable. I didn't put up the tree but bought some pretty red Poinsettias. They make a good long lasting indoor plant. I've yet to find flowers that last a little longer indoors. Although one movie was a movie I know I was wanting to watch, I think it added some ruin to Christmas day. I like a lot of "Queen's" songs, but the last thing I needed to see on Christmas was some gay man drama. I felt a little guilty for Mitzi but she was more glued to her 3rd tablet that I bought her. I don't like her having those but it keeps her off my personal phone and computer. She will go for whatever digital thing she can. ....My own personal drama. I can only repeat some of the same things I've already said. I'm Puddintane. I can't find accurate information or know what to believe on my own through isolating Bollywood communication. I'm tired of fighting the Bollywood drama or even trying to get into whatever real drama could be. I know there are a few men I can't deny but I'm both restless and tired. ….