Taken aback SOME

Jack, I did catch the message you look like Johnny Cash too and I get some of the acknowledgement. ;) A little lost and confused and I'm sorry for the way I can be an ass with you both, Jack and Travis. ... I at least got some of my thoughts and feelings out there. Although I still feel a little led on, (and by you both), I also feel like I could be getting insulted or hated. I'm not sure how much of it is your anger or sincerity speaking. "Ultimate painting" main reference. ... I honestly think you both could be bisexual, but I wouldn't believe either are fully gay, but I could question whether more gay than homosexual... I think the both are more homosexual...If you wanted to go there with my aunt lisa, it isn't a good thing. I know I've been compared to her, and I also know what an ugly, mean, unfair, and subjective woman she was with me. I think a lot of it was mostly her freaking out over me with Bob's crush on me, but freaky Bob did betray me with her. I wouldn't think Bill or Bob are the same. Lisa is mostly known for her rants on "trannys" and I'm still offended to this day with the way it came from her. Maybe you guys are wanting to cheer for me with the way I was pushing Paris back, and I don't like the way she looked like me some either. She is another overly-entitled gross conquestial vain psycho. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure the way you guys mean to come across with me. Jack hated my "morning glory"? I just don't get it... You both could "have the same idea," when it comes to me. .... mmmm uh oh not exactly sure what your precisions are with "we both get what it is." If there were any last words, I'd say I really think that Jack has the most integrity and has already proven and made his point of integrity with the musical pictures he drew. Jack has come on to me other than that, so it's not me just chasing a sign to show. When Travis initially came, he came from David, and I know he was being protective against David for me in some ways after a certain period of time. Although some signs show Travis being compared to Jon and Travis making some of his own mistakes, he tries to break outside of David's mold and be his personal self. .... I don't know where you guys are wanting to go in your own present points. I don't know what you're after or who you want the most. I just don't like the way I felt further pushed to compromise myself with the large unknown with Travis. I know I don't completely trust or know him, and I didn't like the pressure I felt. ... I really don't know much else to say from this point. pushing being pushed, pulling being pulled, and waiting....

Dear Tommy Lee

What are you thinking right now Tommy Lee? What is on your mind? Today is another busy day for me and I don't have a lot of research time. It's taking so long for a certain video I purchased to come in the mail. You might be a little mad at me for the way I underdog Pamela in a different light in the past. It's not she's an entire underdog to me, and I do have apology for making an underdog out of her and a little of you. I do make fun of some abusers, but I see myself more as being mad or mean against their stereotyped name than making fun of them. It's not that I would see myself as having you and her memorized or mastered, and I don't think your Stockholm is about that. I think I'm a tease and a different story in a different time to you. .... There is a time and place for everything. Some lies and sadism is more abusive and of torment than physical abuse. Sometimes, when I get cornered, one of my kills is the "I would rather" game. I can't see myself as insulting you right now. I see the way you could be making the me of me. I don't know how far to take your Stockholm. I don't know what your objectives are, or if there is something you want, whatever it is. Your deadly threat has come down some, but you're probably still here. I have a hard time of making more conversation with you. ... Is Motley Models really derived off of Motley Crue? I was only interested in the most innocent, and I was never aggressive for it or to go that far for it. Nothing personal with you. I wanted to make a little more money but still cling to my own personal limits and whatever limits I can cling to.... I'm still wondering what's on your mind and where life will take us.

As the Sarah Turns: The unknown end

Starting in talk with Travis: I think I'm hearing 2 main things from you. .... Maybe someone wants to play a trickster game, but I have a bigger hunch you want a revenge your way that can only be understood by you. Because I got myself in a little deep in the last blog by asking about your marriage, you want to put it out there a little more and make me feel like an adultress or put ALL OF THE DRAMA on me, like it's all me chasing you. I can't remember the song or the name of the song off the top of my head but it was along the lines of "It's been so long since you've had a feeling of feeling swept off your feet in some way." something along those lines..... I really could call your bluff on that one. I bet you have a lot of gfs. Are you still guilty by association with David? If you take after him in some arbitrage, it isn't a good thing. You could probably have a Hank Moody lifestyle. I really don't know your story Travis. You havn't told me enough of where you come from, where you're going, or how many women you could want to bring with you...... I think you don't like the way I was previously looking at you with your own "Well, well, well what do you have here? Another troubled/defenseless woman who has 'dead meat' written all over her." Your chase and response of your "cruel to be kind" last night really wasn't cruel, but more of a compassionate approach. subject switch: Don't threaten to lie and trash talk my name like that anymore. You do it too much and I'll make your sense of "compassion" my next bullshit and joker. Your "cripple" must have been smacked around too much or too hard to threaten to make me your cut throated "cripple." I don't know what to say to the way you were hanging around in Nashville. It's like you were mad and wanted to be protective at the same time. I think some of you could have been past fragments of you that I just havn't really met. Maybe you were purely made up, but I don't know how the structure works when making you up. You were some fellow hobo or homeless person. I didn't consider myself that homeless when in Nashville. Jr and Jr may eventually be a band that I'll look up. You were in a lot of places. It hurt to have had to hurt you but I had no other choice than to stay focused and still have not completely lost my focus. I'm giving you some time, but can only allow myself so much effort.....Jack. I can't let myself make too much of a wrecked story with Jack and I. He was an oxy moron for a reason. Like I've already said to Jack, I have doubts that I will ever meet the either of you both. While I have made some kinds of relationships out of some of my Don Drapers; I've yet to have met any of them personally. They've always been too high and mighty to have the more natural, tangible, and normal relationship. I've always denied myself a main or serious credit whether or not I'm too hard on myself. Some relationships fade and with David, I'm realizing I need another man around. He takes one look at me being single and has always taken it as something else. I could still be in trouble with him and he may just strangle me in an alley way one of these days, but I need him to seriously go away. I really don't know what lies ahead in the future with either Travis or Jack. I know what my objectives and ideals are. Travis still has either to clarify or agree with mine. Travis wants to keep me. My objectives and ideals stay the same. It's not that I'm not attracted to Jack and it's not that we don't have any sexual chemistry. He already has a mastered win. It isn't that I believe in people taking people for what they're worth either. It's one relationship type to another type of relationship that works or doesn't work. Different things work with different people in both the most general and specific sense. I haven't forgot the "three women" song by Jack. Things are in the air with me. While I mean to be a slave with Jack, I had to give into my heart some. I'm a hypocrite of a player. My objectivess, ideals, and focus stays the same.