As The Sarah Turns: Signs, Sounds, and Hopes

While some people would kill or beg with: "give me a sign, I need a sign," I mostly think: I need more than signs. Sometimes, I have no other choice than to have, use, need, or live off of signs anyway. I don't always know how people discover people, how things come about, how some stories really evolve. I know there is more of a story than I know. I'm a little lost in the sound. I really don't have much left than a rehash with a little more talk, but I am caput. I guess I have to go a little more further into detail with Travis... First off, I'm still wanting it to be over with David. I think I have had enough of him and I just have mostly silence that means to have its own rejection and cruelty. ... Babies babies babies and babies and polygamy. While I won't deny my baby blues and knowing I want another baby; I feel a vulnerable target especially in being an officially single mom. Before I go through my "weed be gone" (feeling a little ashamed); I'll make up Travis in my own hope of idealism with it remaining open-ended. Maybe Travis is going to be going through divorce and is not out to shamelessly spread his seed out of his own fame. (Still a compliment to be picked). ... While there is so much I don't know about Travis, I don't know enough about his married relationship or even his relationship idealism or lifestyle. Maybe I got the polygamy all wrong. Maybe I was wrong to assume that I am being forced into a swinging and polygamist lifestyle with both David and Travis with a few other swingers to eventually meet. David could have had his doubts in his old age in wanting to impregnate me and he personally chose Travis to be the fellow swinger and male surrogate. (it almost seemed like that, and it was very awkward)..... As much as I want a baby and as happy as I am to be a mom, I'm still not in the right literal setting to have another at this moment. Do I want to set myself up to be vulnerable to being taken care of in a swinging open relationship lifestyle? no. Hopes? Besides a serious choice against the lifestyle, I would see Travis as having potential in wanting to be in a relationship with. I don't completely know him; the entire picture is not all there; but there is something there. I'm sorry with the "weed be gone" comment Travis. I know the lifestyle I don't want and don't want you to take it too personal. *hugs* I'm a little lost in the sound who feels she can only be more destined to get more lost. If I have your facts right about polygamy; I feel I can only run and get more lost.