Hi David

I wish I knew that I knew more things about you. I wish I knew what to believe. It is hard to keep the ball rolling and things going when I just don't know... I'm sorry for the way I was bullying you awhile back on flirt for free. When things were looking ugly and when I was feeling ganged up on and betrayed again, that was my own natural reaction. I'm sorry if I really did hurt you. I still feel like I'm in the dark in some ways and that there are a lot of gaps and things that don't make sense. While I believe you seriously are attracted to me; I feel I have no other choice to question if someone is paying you to keep me seduced? Was the media on msn yesterday really a message how much you do value my sex, or are you a prostitute? Did something not clearly come out the right way? It is a dangerous position for me to not know how to take that. I must have some serious popularity with some celebrity men to have ongoing attractions and keep getting in some stockholms. I can believe in my personal popularity to my own extent, but if I were to reevaluate everything to get real with myself I'm not sure what there really is to believe about you. I would of course feel insulted and hurt if you were a prostitute, but I can only play cool right now. Maybe I did set you off with the way I was talking the other day in feeling defenseless and that I should pay for an escort in my most extreme imagination.... I don't know David. I would have a hard time believing that some of your other women are not entirely out of the picture. Do you really put me first and before any of them? Of course being put first and just that is not enough; I seriously don't want to be cheated on with any of them. ... In the stripping workplace, I feel a little taken aback by myself. I'm more careful with talk and play, but I seriously don't want to or plan on limiting myself to just women because it could be the safest for you. It isn't that I take myself seriously with any customers really, but I understand there are different limits and boundaries in going too far and I understand some of your jealousy and give in to some of your possessiveness. I don't know what you entirely think of my job as a stripper. I couldn't see myself doing this any more than a year. I have been doing a lot of brain storming with where or how I want to jump to my next job step, but everything is up in the air with whatever direction I'm going to go. The money I make as a dancer is decent and helps me out in the present and getting ready for whatever is next. .... I still have more homework to do of yours and am unsettled in just how comfortable I want to make myself in being here with you in my own way. until then... ~ hugs ~ and xoxo