High in the Himalayas

The fear factor. ....... If you are pure evil and live in corruption, the most you could seem to boil down to is Fred Durst's "I did it all for the nookie." lol. When you led me on and gave me some kind of belief that you were serious about me, or even would go the whole 9 yards in wanting to marry me, what's a girl to do? .... Am I really your type of woman? Do you see me as your ideal fit? Or, are you intentionally being a desperate liar to have wanted to do it all for the nookie? I see a good number of cheats you have, and I'm sure you've noticed my straying. It seems once cheating has started, it never ends, and the relationship can only be ruined more. It depresses me. In my start, I had a better will to live to love and just not care about what other people think. Through the years, I have been forced to live in fear against: structured supremacies; the thought of people thinking they can take a person for what they are worth; the terrible assumptions and the math of other's "if then but" statements. I'm not sure what it means to you when you recognize the fear factor you are to me. I hate Jon Stewart's, John Atchison's, and David Cameron's lurkers. (I have mostly identified David Cameron as both Jon and John. But I hate the thought of him being a structured symbol who never gives up on wanting to go for more land.) It is so morbid for any of them or you to never want to give up on polygamy or your own structured supremacies. I know John Atchison believes in structured supremacy most of all. I am disgusted with John that he would throw himself on you to prove "his confidence." Whatever it is he wants to prove has always been too sick and morbid. He's such a sore loser. I have always believed in liberty, independence, and people being rightful to be whatever it is they want to be without being forced to be controlled or conformed to another. The Imagine Dragon's song of "It's Time," disgusted me so much that I cried when his piggish behavior put the Nazi on me. Men like him make me kill that much harder that I will never have a thing to prove to anyone. Men like him who express dominance over my life are the reason that everything turns to shit. Some people have never stopped being such a sick psycho in demanding to touch me, control me, express dominance over my life, or obsess over calling the shots. While you may feel you could be more vulnerable to me, DON'T FORGET HOW VULNERABLE I FEEL TO YOU AND THE FEAR FACTOR YOU ARE. I've known how people make their same sick terrible mistakes of their assumptions too much. The marks of their totalitarianism have already marked my history and have been tried and true more than enough. IT IS THE TRUTHFUL REALITY. huff~ all that being said, I am not the type who believes in open marriages or being a swinger. Sometimes, I don't always know how much of a truth things are. Are people sabotaging us? Are you a never ending serious threat staring me in the face that I have no other choice than to be with you in a despairing open marriage? I know there are times I can't explain myself or sex drive. Just because I don't always have the strongest self control with you doesn't mean I am ok with threesomes and especially when you would want to suggest certain women. I can understand if you have feelings of jealousy and possessiveness but I won't if you have an unfair double standard. It isn't even that I don't want to have a never ending cheating relationship. When I have been forced to live in fear against a structured supremacy, I've always been left with no other choice. I know I havn't made it too far with another man. I do know I am being more sightful and flirty. Speaking of availability, it isn't even that you are always available or I can be with you or talk about things whenever I want. You better not call what we have right now as a marriage BECAUSE THIS DEFINITION OF A MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT I WOULD NEVER ACCEPT OR SETTLE FOR. IF this is what you call marriage :( pft. I'd always be prone to cheat if this is the permanent plateau and you're not even going to be available or literally in my life. That probably was the mean gropes of another. Staying mostly untouchable with that one.... Oh David, I like the nice man you seem to be. You seem to be the quiet type who does have words of kindness or love that you may not know how to say, express, or make me completely understand. I know I have a real attraction to you. This is my terms of waiting us out. I am not seeking to be a swinger or in an open relationship or marriage. I'm mad and jealous at the cheater you are. I'm especially mad if you have an always affair going on with Kathy. I hate that bitch. You have got to understand the fear factor you are in being a structured supremacist. I know I can't see everything. I still see myself in the mountains who can only keep waiting to decide where to go or what to do. Snow leapord high in the Himalayas. High in the Himalayas.