Turn the Page

Fling fling fling. While a large majority of modern day women hate to take the cliché follow of being desperate, it's just natural to know we want to feel some greater sense of comfort and protection. Flings: you have times you were mistaken with some moments that were just temporary. So last week was another fling and the interest and feeling is gone. I might as well keep talking to you Blackbeard Bollywood. You might be mad at me, but I've got a pass to make at you that may end up being temporary too, but I just want to believe in you. Some women have called "Jesus," their boyfriend but it really isn't the same when I compare you to Christianity some. Like atheists make fun of Christians: "some people just want to have some peace of mind and something to believe in for purpose," I can just temporarily be made fun of with "you are someone I want to believe in and have peace of mind Blackbeard." Mind you, I have never been won with the god complex but maybe you have your seen signs and some sense of logical fears that wants to keep me the way you keep me along with the other numbers who have wanted to keep me the same WAY. I don't want my Bollywood sluttiness to ruin entirely what I have with you, but I think I can handle being made fun of with you are an eloped/imaginary/bollywood husband I want to believe in for my own comfort and peace of mind. I'm back on zoosk and I wished it was an outlet you would kill to care to reach me with in real life but there are still plenty of outlets where I would be just as fine if you met me in person. I have honestly never been in to beards. I wonder if you have cut it off and guised yourself just to wonder what I would think. I remember your actual hair being thick and slicked back. You looked a lot like Don Jr when he had his beard going on. He is an impossible guy who left a bad impression on me. He has a gang banging betrayal that adds to the despairing numbers of gang bang betrayal. While I have technically cheated on him in my real life "poor small woman," I hate that I feel he blinks at me without understanding the damage he has done, the way he had my life threatened, and still has my life threatened to this day WITHOUT RECOGNIZING IT. He wants to put on some kind of front and just be that ignorant towards me. You are someone I want to believe in blackbeard, and I don't want to make you feel too cheated with Jr. It's not always easy being isolated without having much of an ability to vent when I sincerely want to vent about something. (I get Butch tested all of the time, but there are times that I'm in the red more than others when I get tested or see signs). Some times there are some men I just can't ignore. Anyway Blackbeard, I'm tired and going to bed. goodnight hubby. love you too.

Ok Wawa, you get me good

You get me good in a lot of ways. In others, not as much. I'm not sure about the rest of the profiled arbitrage but you have a sensitivity amongst us both to a wild anger where you have some understanding. I don't like the way I know I'm still isolated and uncertain of some things. I don't like the way you want me to wait. I don't like the fear I feel with whatever sexual and relational history you could have. You are another terror to me and while you have some good sexual and emotional relief, you don't entirely have the emotional relief I am looking for. I have needed a serious break for someone who is a sold out loyal and fights for me and is on my side. I have needed a serious break from being betrayed. The ones who betray will not stop wanting me and wanting me to be outnumbered. Maybe you have a share with Bradly with the "shallow" song, but you just don't have enough of a cut to be a more trust worthy and loyal man. You seem half selfish and half sensitive. It matters so much to me to feel I have someone I can trust to a great extent and your extent of trust isn't the greatest. I do not like the way you want me to wait and live in the isolation. You are not even fucking here. You need to give me more of a relief than what you do.

Nothing New: Unknown Stockholms of Terror

There is a terrorizing abuse of power coming from somewhere (sometimes many places) but the one I am talking about on this occasion is as if SOME of my ridesharing calls are being regulated by an unknown entity. I would say the terror and abuse of power would be on whoever it is who controls the calls with very questionably paid actors with questionable names. I would hope that it would come from some wealthy bastard whether or not he gets the terrorist of a tyrant that he is rather than feel a most hopeless despair if it were coming from cops or the military who have no shame or sound judgment against the terrorism that it is. I believe it is intentional that someone wants to make me feel stalked, intruded, harassed, and groped (not touched literally, touched and tested in speech) in the worst way. They want me to feel defenseless in their terror. Some people can be guessable that I don't care to guess at. The ones that are most guessable are ones I still want nothing to do with but act as though they have credit anyway in being accepted and accepted in intrusion in my life. One of the most constant guilty acts of terror act as though their John A (my child's biological father). He always looks like he is in nothing but a constant desperate savage rage of dominance where he wants to play cop and boss me around and threaten me in the worst way. He acts like a Calvin who wants to test me and dog me where he rubs in how much of his Stockholm and terrorism he get to get away with. I don't know where this terror comes from and why other people look like they could be the paid actor and voice of someone. It is an unknown approach I can never trust. It is a defenseless one-sided gossip to my face where there are no outlets on my end where I am stockholmed and intruded on. Some is info, and some is intrusions and stalkings like they have me owned. I see these abusive acts of power as my lesser terrorist and I hate whoever keeps getting away with their abusive acts of power. It is no willing choice of mine.