As The Sarah Turns: Signs, Sounds, and Hopes

While some people would kill or beg with: "give me a sign, I need a sign," I mostly think: I need more than signs. Sometimes, I have no other choice than to have, use, need, or live off of signs anyway. I don't always know how people discover people, how things come about, how some stories really evolve. I know there is more of a story than I know. I'm a little lost in the sound. I really don't have much left than a rehash with a little more talk, but I am caput. I guess I have to go a little more further into detail with Travis... First off, I'm still wanting it to be over with David. I think I have had enough of him and I just have mostly silence that means to have its own rejection and cruelty. ... Babies babies babies and babies and polygamy. While I won't deny my baby blues and knowing I want another baby; I feel a vulnerable target especially in being an officially single mom. Before I go through my "weed be gone" (feeling a little ashamed); I'll make up Travis in my own hope of idealism with it remaining open-ended. Maybe Travis is going to be going through divorce and is not out to shamelessly spread his seed out of his own fame. (Still a compliment to be picked). ... While there is so much I don't know about Travis, I don't know enough about his married relationship or even his relationship idealism or lifestyle. Maybe I got the polygamy all wrong. Maybe I was wrong to assume that I am being forced into a swinging and polygamist lifestyle with both David and Travis with a few other swingers to eventually meet. David could have had his doubts in his old age in wanting to impregnate me and he personally chose Travis to be the fellow swinger and male surrogate. (it almost seemed like that, and it was very awkward)..... As much as I want a baby and as happy as I am to be a mom, I'm still not in the right literal setting to have another at this moment. Do I want to set myself up to be vulnerable to being taken care of in a swinging open relationship lifestyle? no. Hopes? Besides a serious choice against the lifestyle, I would see Travis as having potential in wanting to be in a relationship with. I don't completely know him; the entire picture is not all there; but there is something there. I'm sorry with the "weed be gone" comment Travis. I know the lifestyle I don't want and don't want you to take it too personal. *hugs* I'm a little lost in the sound who feels she can only be more destined to get more lost. If I have your facts right about polygamy; I feel I can only run and get more lost.

Boss to Boss Establishments

Jack............ Good start/bad start. I know I still find you attractive and I hope to be an attraction of yours... "Lemora," looks like a lose/lose. It's a lose if you're attracted to someone else (even the wrong way) and its a lose if you're attracted to me the wrong way. I'm not entirely sure how to take it. Maybe it is a mild slap with me flipping out over the art piece, but I don't feel I have you puzzled together. I'm still hoping you're not Zack. It is different to be gamed and played by you than it is him. You seem to be 2 different stories and I really hope you are. Is it a slap of some other sort? I'm not liking that you don't like my dislike of your fantasy .... Making further establishment. There is getting to know someone, and knowing you know some things about someone. A man can test for so long until he can test no more. I've dealt with a lot of sadism. While some men can get in deep with it, they sometimes get in deep with their lies and other forms of corruption. I don't know or have all corruption mastered and it is not something I have ever cared to obsess over. When I know the time is right to be a hardcore skeptic; I follow through with my skepticism. It is still a different story to be played with you than Zack, but whether or not you have something to prove with me to other people, I'd be cautious with how much you test me. I feel you do take some of my anger seriously. I've dealt with a lot of sadistic betrayals. I hate the way some men want to take me in being bisexual/lesbian way too far as if I had feelings for another woman. I don't like threesomes. I only want one man who wants to be a one woman type of man. Not just in a serious married relationship, but any relationship, everything is between me and the man alone. Being forced to explain myself to another woman will have the most serious major consequences that come with it. Whether or not we are ever in a relationship; I expect you to respect that and understand I have a serious issue that will not be compromised lest there be serious consequences. While I have been the most turned off and pissed off with bondage games; it is something that only the man can do and get credit for. I'm not afraid to tell a woman that I think she is a rapist for entitling herself to put me in bondage. And I also consider them to be the rapist when they feel it is ok to take a dominate credit and lord over me; credit that I have serious or any emotional lesbian feelings for them, and that only it is THEY who can give ME the credit for whatever word/action/title (being the serious superior judge of that). When it comes to bondage or certain ways of being dominate, I have called men rapists too. Bondage is a very risky and touchy subject. While some men mostly impermissibly get away with it, and other times they sometimes permissibly get away with it; putting me in bondage is still something that should be greatly feared. This is why I get so angry over some arbitrage and exploits. Real crimes and offenses get looked over and treated as if it were nothing. If you give a kid a piece of candy. A large majority of people are too ignorant to understand. Sometimes, I feel I am over corrective with some things. There are a few people who are smart enough to take offense when I call them my Moammar Qadaffi's while others think it is their "right" or "entitlement." The latter is of course the most terrifying. Some people are intentionally and sadistically ignorant against being called a "barbarian." They usually choose the vain route or ignorantly look for another victimizing reason why they feel they should be rightful to conquest me. .... Maybe I ramble too much, but some things should have never been ignored so much or so long. Different intentions, non-intentions, understandings, misunderstanding, and communications.... I wish I didn't have to be so defensive or militant right now, but I notice you're willingness to take me a little seriously and I like to have clear-cut communication. Right now, I mostly take you as being a little testing and gaming. To game or not to game with you Jack, that is the question. I don't mind some safe fun and games.