Defenseless

Sometimes, I feel u could be talking to me in the head, but once again the communication is still not tangible or believable enough. Even if you actually said it, you as a person are not convincible or trustworthy enough. Maybe you understand a love you could have for me despite everything, but you just won't realize the depth of your large number of betrayals enough. It's like you want a quick and easy kiss and make up and think everything will just disappear over night. I know I had a hard time in catching onto you and still don't understand the person you are to this day. You were always too prejudiced and betraying to get to know me or get the chance that you never gave me. I don't want the chance. Not anymore. I will never feel loved or wanted enough with you. It is selfish of you to want to keep holding on to me because of my natural emotions and heartbreak. I know you only have more heart break to offer. A lot of me has become numb because of the kind of person u r. It isn't fair to me for the way you still expect me to settle for you. I know you have had recent betrayals and foul-mouthed slander to beat me up. It isn't that you ever try to win me or have serious commitment, you just expect me to be easy and give in to you over nothing. Give into you because I can't take the pain. I know it's not like I have never betrayed you back. I still doubt that I ever broke your heart or caused you distress or have any effect. Your complex has always been too big and you make me feel like the blows I give you with everything I have in me are just like a light tap. You've always seemed too cold-blooded and that I was always available. Sometimes, when I can't stand the pain, I think about just trying to be that submissive hopeless person with you. I think if I just shut up as much as I can and do nothing but sit around and looking pretty and find all the ways I can to pay attention to you than maybe all the pain would go away. It is still a square one with me: I will never feel loved or wanted enough. I feel like a defenseless, hopeless fool where nothing is ever going to go up or get any better from here. King Agmenon or whatever the Troy conquestial fuck's name is. When you want any kind of serious relationship with me, I'm not going to feel ashamed or taken aback anymore expecting a serious love. I've always expected love from anyone who wanted a serious relationship with me. AND SERIOUSLY, I AM NOT YOUR FOOL. I DO NOT TRUST YOU.