NOT PUT OUT OF MY MISERY

Man I hate that. Last night I felt stood up and denied. YET I still see signs. It is killing me. You can't just make a woman burn like that and leave her hanging. (stomping) It is so mean! So I had some other dude lay on a very seductive hit on me. It left me just as confused, frustrated, and tormented. He did give a subtle hint after work but I didn't go in for the bite. I question if I am the victim of a sexless rape anyway. I really don't know what to think of the stranger I met. He made a terrible comment and it was an impossible comment where I couldn't even get what he could be getting at. I'm just like WTF? But then, I see other signs that shift me to believe I shouldn't take the questionable comment personally. I don't know if I will see him again or what I'm going to do if I do. He said, "I'm sorry this is the place we got to meet." ?!?! Boy did that dude move fast. Maybe it was just the alcohol and his temporary relationship fantasy that was speaking. The dude that stood me up: I really honestly don't know what is going on with him. I know I can be shy and a little flighty but I'm not meaning to give him the impression that he gave me. It isn't that he even has to sleep with me to put me out of my misery. He could have just given a firm "no, I'm not intending to lead you on in anyway like that." I still see signs and I feel played and I know I'm not getting any official "no's." I'm just left hanging. I'm staying in cat mode and he does not have my full focus or availability. The heat and the crush may dwindle down soon.

That Hurt

I take it you were testing me last night, but I'm left back at square one with you. I'm finding it more difficult to believe anything about you and you're scaring me off. You figured out that I care, but you left it at the scene that it was. I don't like your sense of logic for the way you would want to test me with "prostitution." My job is just that. It still looks overall that you chose my sister over me, and give her your money and financial support. While your mind is focused on one thing, it seems like you don't get the big picture of it. You should have given me some more of your money you dork. Or, if it is that big of a deal to pay or not to pay, you should have just seemed more interested in me. I'm a stripper, not a prostitute! What kind of logical test was that?! I did hear your other hint, but you look like you're playing several different women. I know you haven't given me a hard time on second guessing myself or being insecure. Although I know you lead me on, you give me reason to second guess myself. I have my doubts and am not an entirely naïve person. Personally, depending on a person and the way that they carry their self; I don't think it is always attractive for a person to be too sure of their self. It isn't that I'm directing that comment at a certain particular person. I guess I'm just trying to say I feel more confident in not feeling entirely confident. Unless you're sold out for the super aggressive type, it is for you to decide who you are attracted to and want the most. It has always been my take on men. (and I have always blamed men for being the cheater too. I never get mad at the woman. It is the man's fault.) Your senator said he was from Chicago which could mean that he know he was full of "bull," but like I said, I feel back at square one. I know I feel more safe with you than with Frank Vista, but you just had to bite and test me last night. If you're still interested in me, you need to come on to me more or pull me into you more and make it obvious.