.........

For the sake of building rapport with Tom. Not completely sure what is going on. I can tell you are a ladies man. Of course I'm jealous, but feel I am put in a position where I can only wait for you. I'm upset over several things and the same kinds of problems. One is I can't completely trust you. I won't completely be a sell-out for you. I can only question what you are up to more. I meant what I said the first time; I don't want Jim. Not sure if you still want me, but I can only wait.

Pacing back and forth

Crybaby here I thought it was over yesterday. It still seems to be over but a lot of fog and gray. I feel you want me to be persuaded to you, but I'm wanting to dig my heels in the ground against your pull. I still feel very insulted. I'm still not sure which direction you are going. Some fog and some anorexia to the fog. While you may want to be harmless, you're coming off as scary and not talking enough. You're not straight forward enough. You're not talking enough. It is like you are giving some waves of love and may plan more, but I can't see well enough. I have reason to doubt you. You may have done something against me in the past that you don't want me to know of. Yesterdays guilty by association and some other guilty by associations that I don't know how to make sense of. Can't help but have some want and expectation of loyalty from you. I don't like to feel threatened by the idea of you wanting me to like some people and especially enemies I know I will never like. Me being your cougar? I can see it a little in myself, but it isn't a promise. Kitten boots. While I may have it in me to look down on you and be a little scolding of you, and really, really want you, I just won't have it in me all of the time. It looks like it would be one competitive challenge after another. Challenges where I can't win and be the cry baby I am. I'm just going to shut my cougar mouth coming back because I don't want to describe what I could guess what some of the other challenges could be. I'm too sensitive right now to want to look and guess you more. Both comments should neither be taken in one extreme way or another. Don't let the crybaby go to your head too much and don't let my cougar threats threaten you too much. Are you identifying me in Jon? Man, I really thought you had guessed me. It has been too late for Jon. It is a terrorizing idea to be in a relationship or married to Jon. While being hit by you, you really make everything feel like its too late, but I hate feeling already self-deceived with the way I feel hit by you, because you can't get its too late for Jon too. This is some of the fogginess. You make me feel alone again. Tom, will you please do me a favor if this is a cruel game? Just completely go cold turkey and let go of me. Please don't lead me on anymore.

Dearest Tom

Tom, I just couldn't assume you're the mother of all stalkers. You are a good and bad stalker. lol such simple words. not really. I don't always know what you do know or what is on your agenda; I just have a good idea that you are one of the people who ignore me the least. It breaks my heart if you are Jim. I remember the actions he took and the things he said. Jim is a Calvin. You can't be Jamie/Django and Calvin at the same time. You really don't come across as a Calvin. If you really believe in breast supremacy like that; you would have shot me by now. I don't want to talk about that subject anymore because I see the other predators that are around and I hate how I'm already being looked at in subjective ways by them. I have a lot of problems and reasons of having shattered emotions in my life. Again, I don't know how much you know of me or how much it would matter to you. feeling your thunder heat and pressure. trying not to be overtaken by you too much because I know deception exists whether it is you being deceiving or I am self-deceived. What a real pressure and heat you are. so perplexed and seduced.