Ben Ben Ben Ben Benly Ben Ben Ben

lol. I'm not necessarily calling you Charlie but I thought it had a catchy ring. Where do I begin with you Ben? I've never blogged to you before or had much of a real conversation with you. There have been ways where you seem to have been there for me in some specific instances. I know you are around me every so often and from time to time. If there has been an impression that you have left on me; it is a friendly one. I see you as a friend that I have a crush on. While YOU may not have the worst sense of reason, I'd say anyway that the friendship I have with you isn't what I think "friendships" mean in general terms. Some people are always going to take me in the worst way no matter what I say. Anyway, I appreciate your friendship. I know you have a thing for me too. I'm not sure why you come around during some of the times you do. (My recent ob/gyn visit wasn't me really trying to knock on your door.) ha. Being literal and not figurative. Anyway, I know you are married. Besides of that main factor; I do have a few other reasons that I'm afraid to get any closer to you. Some of my fear is the probable drama or losing the friendship we do have. I know I have not completely followed you or kept up with you. I am suspicious of you with Erin. With other things I may not know about you, I understand it would be somewhat unfair to use betrayals against you if you have ever betrayed me at all. We never had a start or much of anything official. On your end, I'm guessing that some of your backroom cracked codes mean that you are warning me not to be shady with you when it comes to me being "there" or "not there." Although I've had my own mean intentional pranksters who would try to frame me for rape, I am not that person that would do that to you, Ben. I could call myself a little shady. I'm not making any promises. I'm not saying you completely have me or that I am choosing to be kept by you. You know I have a thing for you and appreciate your friendship but I have no idea where anything is to go from here or what is to come of anything....... Oh yes, and congrats on your win today (I had to remember to include that somewhere.) Sorry I wasn't able to watch any of it. I don't know why I don't have that channel...... I really can't think of much else to say for now, but I hope you have Happy Holidays. smiles and hugs