Mad

I had plans tonight and I tell you what, I was so ready to perform. I have to wait until next week to get the job done. I know I definitely need to get myself a drink, so I'll probably be out tonight. If I happen to dance, this doesn't mean the milk is still free. (I know I'll still have my clothes on anyway). (I know it is a different setting). ................ Other random thoughts. I've really had a lot of thoughts that I keep to myself. And, I still plan on keeping them to myself..... But what else can I actually think to talk about?. I really don't have much to say. .......... I'm eventually going to force myself to look more at Channing's information. I see why it should be relevant for me, but I'm not going to look at him just yet.......on to do list..... Too much rain this week. I've been needing to get more sunblock anyway, but I still like to get outside. Today and tmw it is suppose to storm. This daggone weather. ...... just need to get out a little and tonight

As the Sarah Turns

I have another self-centered blog to write that is most likely going to get me nowhere, or something else, but I'm going to write it anyway, for my own sake and peace of mind....... Some people in my life are clear, but sometimes some things just aren't clear enough. I think I am getting a sign from Rahm today. I'm not taking back any of the things I've already said. I'm glad that he would stay turned on and keep wanting to rock my cradle. He is just still too quiet. Not building much rapport, and I've let myself get hit with other obvious things to my face that I just didn't recognize at first. (His friendly relationship with the president.) Rahm really hasn't given much input on anything. I could treat the president as another killer and enemy of mine, and this is why I'm not understanding why Rahm would keep looking out for me. Maybe he does have his own preferences of which person he would and wouldn't call out. I know the president is more impossible of a person anyway. He hasn't been building much more rapport with me in general over anything, and he just hasn't said anything more about the obvious issues or whatever it is that is coming up. If he is going to work himself out, I'm not sure how he is going to work himself out, or what his take is over everything going on now.................. I just have to talk about him again: Farmer Man. I kind of ran into him the other night, but we were both talking to other people. If he really was trying to get a message across to me with whoever he was with, I didn't get it. I couldn't hear it. I just remember staring at him and awkwardly talking to whoever I was talking with. It almost sounded like he was wanting the woman he was with to beat me up or attack me in someway, but I was too focused on feeling caught in between him and someone else. (I know I have already let him down through a different structured story.) It is like I want to want to have further interest in farmer man but I can't let myself. I am curious to know more about him, and wondering how far his arbitrage goes. There is only one connection (local) I could guess him to have a possible double representation, but I would want to give farmer man his own credit. I don't completely know what is going on with him. I can't let myself go further with him anyway................. Not sure what is going on with other guys in my life.... I have noticed the persistence of bicycle rider Mike. He does have an obvious impossible dominance and seems he would expect me to be subjected to the subjective bullshit that still goes on. I fear he has several pretty bad shares in the arbitrage and that is another reason I don't want him to win.............. I hope I get a job soon.