I think my newest self-diagnosis is being OCD over socialistic cancer issues. Call me vain, but when obvious triggers are in the room, how could you not expect me to be on edge?
I did some of my own code talking on the offense today.
I hate feeling I'm in a silent code war that is in all honesty pressing me to know info.
But, my code talking was open enough to get a clear word in. I basically told Jon that I live in Chicago, am stuck there, moved to a new location on Pearl St where he will no longer be able to find me.
How dare someone call me vain or a pig especially when they are the ones who are doing the initiating, pushing, and pressuring.
Right now, it is my mom who is being more exposed in her attacks. She is accusing me of charging the internet with some video sites. Personally, I think it is both of my parents who want me to be paranoid about some of the stuff I share online. Screw them both, I will continue to write and say what is on my mind.
My mom also harassed me more over the Mo issue in addition to the letter.
She is definitely being hostile right now. I'm a bitch all of the time, maybe someone is being a little more confrontive or breaking her denial and bringing the truth to light with our issues. I do not know what her specific problem is, or if she is taking it out on me with the pressures she may be facing.
Whatever it is, I'm not putting up with it. I called her an obsessed stalking freak as well who needs to back off and get over it.
People wonder why I don't share much with my parents. They've always been controlling, poor at judgement and poor at arguing. I'm not taking their abuse.
I think they probably are responsible for a lot of my paranoia and it sickens me to think it is as if they want me to cower to them. I can tell my dad especially obsesses from time to time in testing dominance, when it is unspoken through body language. I'm so sick of him testing me with the space issue.
I havn't talked to my parents in months. I do not feel safe here and I think eventually one of the two will do something extreme with their anger.
I wouldn't be surprised if either hit me or even stabbed or shot me. My dad sometimes makes hints in a negative unspoken fashion about the gun that he has.
I have tried to get in a shelter but I have not yet been able to get in one. I need help.
